Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Fuzzy Logic

September 1, 1983 Thursday

Dear Ophelia,
"Laurel came over today looking for cigarettes. I didn't give her any because she took a Capri Sun and tried to get me to give her cigarettes. I'm giving her the rest of my cigarettes so I won't be tempted. I'll never smoke again.

I went to a meeting for X-country. Tomorrow is the first practice. I have homework. School is pretty fun. Well, I gotta get ready for bed so, bye Ophelia. Your friend, Jennifer. P.S. help me get a boyfriend this year."

This entry makes little sense. This is how I decipher it--Laurel took a Capri Sun without asking and then wanted cigarettes also. Jennifer, in her ultimate wisdom, decided Laurel didn't deserve the cigarettes so she didn't give them to her. However, Jennifer doesn't want to smoke anymore, so she's planning to give all her cigarettes to Laurel anyway--but only after her irritation over the Capri Sun wears off. Makes perfect sense now!

September 2, 1983 Friday

Dear Ophelia,
"I stopped my period today. At practice we just did exercises, no running yet. I have homework in Home Ec. I went to Letha's to spend the night. She's kind of weird. Tomorrow I am going to Barbara's house until Labor Day. For dinner we went to a restaurant called La Cosita Dos. I had an enchilada. Well, I gotta go I'll write in the next volume tomorrow. Your friend, Jennifer."

Jennifer has filled three diary journals and she's about to begin her fourth.

She opens her new journal with a dedication:
The front cover of one of Jennifer's Diaries
It is made of velvet and the horse is outlined in gold leaf


Volume 2
"SANDY"
my "dream" horse
Show name: "Crystal Palace"

SANDY
Crystal Palace
Sandy is a horse I dreamed about maybe a month ago. He is a brilliant color sort of like sand. Someday, I hope to own him (or her).


Brilliant color like sand! I've never heard of sand described as a brilliant color. I'm assuming she's referring to a shiny horse.

Jennifer's horses today--not show steeds, but wonderful family pets!

September 3, 1983 Saturday

Dear Ophelia,
"I went to Barbara's and we went and climbed up part of Alyeska (mountain). I saw Josh again. We looked at some gift shops and a candle factory. After that we went to Hatcher Pass and saw an old ghost town. Not very scary. I'm reading The Plague Dogs now. It's by the same author that wrote Watership Down. I ended my period yesterday. I am really sore from cross-country. Barbara let me use her sauna. I think and dream about boys every night. Well I gotta go, bye Ophelia. See ya soon. Your friend 4-ever, Jennifer."


Jeff, Joel and Jennifer's mom flew somewhere together. They left Jennifer at the homes of two different friends. Jennifer has no idea where they went or why they left her behind. She doesn't seem resentful about it. It was a holiday weekend. Maybe Jeff took Joel and Sheila to Minnesota to visit Angela and Christian. Maybe it was too expensive to take Jennifer along. It wasn't the first time they left without her.

September 4, 1983 Sunday

Dear Ophelia,
"Today we went to Portage Glacier. Then we went camping around Wasilla. Josh and Niki came. Niki is Barbara's other dog.


We slept in the van and we are going home tomorrow.

For dinner we had hamburgers and chips. Mom, Jeff and Joel are coming home tomorrow.


I kind of miss Joel. I wrote him a letter. Joel does things that really bother me like making weird noises and stuff. I feel a little more mature now. I must part with you 'till tomorrow but I'll see you soon. Very Sincerely, Jennifer."

Barbara sounds like a great friend. She took Jennifer for the holiday weekend and even took her camping. Well, they slept in a van, but that counts as camping! She make a nice weekend for Jennifer to enjoy. Jennifer was probably on her best behavior. Barbara most likely treated her as a young lady. You can see the effect in her diary. She felt quite grown up!

Portage Glacier, Alaska
Portage Glacier is on the Kenai Peninsula within the Chugach National Forest

Hatcher Pass in the Talkeetna Mountains


Wasilla, Alaska
It seems one can't mention Wasilla without mentioning, Sarah Palin. She put Wasilla (and Alaska) on the map for many in the Lower 48!


September 5, 1983 Labor Day

Dear Ophelia,
"Happy Labor Day. Sorry but even though it's a holiday, I'm going to write anyway. Poor Ophelia, no break from my life right now.

Well we came back to Barbara's and went to my house to straighten up then to the airport. I'm happy to see Mom, Jeff and Joel.


Mom was tired and a little short tempered.

Most of the time when I love my mom, like tell her I love her, she loves me back a lot which surprises me.

Anyway, I have to start school tomorrow. So I am signing off. Bye. Your life friend, Jennifer"


I asked Jennifer about this entry. Again, the logic in her writing is fuzzy. First of all, she's apologizing to her diary for imposing on a holiday! Jennifer's adolescent insecurity is beginning to show! (I believe, according to the Diaries Union that diaries are required to be available to their owners 24/7, including holidays!!) Also, she's insecure about her mother's love. She initially worried if her mother would "want her around" in Alaska. Now she mentions being surprised that her mother loves her back "a lot".

Jennifer knows that her mother loves her. It might be that the geographical break in their relationship, the divorce and the remarriage left Jennifer wondering where she stood. Also, Jennifer had a revelation while reading this entry. Jennifer's diary took the place of best friend and mother when Jennifer lost her best friend and mother in Colorado. She moved to California where she lived with her logical father and older brother and she became more dependent on her diary.

Jennifer wrote her feelings down and this left her without the need to share them with anyone. Jennifer always wondered why she never talked about her feelings with her mom--the mystery is solved--it's because she shared them with Ophelia. Her diary never left her side--but her mother, her friends, her father, her brother and her pets came and went out of her life.

Jennifer continues to work out her problems on paper. As much as she likes to chatter with her friends, she still finds it difficult to confide her real problems and almost impossible to ask for help. She enjoys her private relationship with God much as she used to enjoy her diaries. Jennifer now keeps a prayer journal instead of a diary. Only with God, she knows that she is being heard and He is also open 24/7, including holidays!

Chugach National Forest
Designated in 1907 by Theodore Roosevelt
5.4 million acres
The forest is a sub-polar rain forest
The dominant trees are Sitka Spruce, Western Hemlock and Mountain Hemlock
The Chugach National Forest hosts one million visitors a year!

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