Thursday, December 31, 2009

"God, I quit."

September 30, 1984  Sunday

Dear Ophelia,
"Mom and I decided that I would go to school Tuesday. Right now I'm playing Pink Floyd in my stereo. He is so cool! I love his music. I love the Beatles and Boston too. 

I called Cheri today. She was super happy to see me. I'm glad she is. She had a crush on a guy named John. He asked her to go with him and she said yes. Two days later a guy named Joey asked her to the dance. She broke up with John and and went to the dance with Joey. Cheri is so weird!

Well I hope someone asks me to the dance. But I'm sure that someone will. I can't remember what I dreamed so I don't know if I'm pregnant. But I'm beginning to think that I'm not. I hope I'm right. Its 12:00 midnight now. I finished most of my homework but I have a little left. 

Ophelia, I don't believe God created the world or people or animals. God has given me no reason to believe in Him. I believe in the more solid proof of evolution. It makes sense. Besides, if I was born into another culture, I might be taught to believe in a hundred Gods. I think all Gods are foolish. 

I believe in you Ophelia, as a force. You don't create miracles or make seas part in two. Maybe you are just my force or maybe every bodies. You are not a God. You are what each individual believes you to be. I believe you are like my good side. My conscious. But I don't always listen to you. Will I see you after I die? I hope.

I don't believe that heaven and hell are places. Like hell being underground and heaven in the sky. I think dead peoples' spirits are either immediately transferred to a new born creature or they exist with other spirits just not noticing live people. They exist in another plane. 

If heaven is a place, I know where it is. First it was in the sky, in our atmosphere but too high for birds to fly there. Then airplanes were invented and and heaven had to move. Earthlings on planes couldn't see heaven, but they were disturbing it. So heaven moved to space and the universe. The spirits were happy and at peace once again. 

Then rockets were invented and now people were flying through heaven once again--but not seeing it. The spirits moved again. This time through a black hole. Earthlings soon learned that black holes suck you up and take you away forever. This time the spirits had been clever for any man attempting to go through a black hole to disrupt heaven would be killed. Once he got to heaven on the other side of the black hole, he'd be dead and he would just stay there. The spirits were happy.

That's my theory, I like it. Well I gotta go, bye Ophelia. Your friend and self, Jennifer. P.S. Love ya!"

Wow, where to start?

I'm not surprised that Jennifer begins to deny God now. She not only knows nothing about God, but she has just suffered a huge betrayal by man.

Jennifer's first reaction to her rape is to blame God not Steve. She feels abandoned. She begins to build her wall around herself and the first one she kicks out of her heart is God. "God has given me no reason to believe in Him," she writes. Where was He when she needed him? Jennifer will struggle with this question for years.

I think part of growing up is realizing that we aren't playing with fake money here. Life is real. Bad things happen to good people. People die here. Good people die, children die, girls and boys are kidnapped and raped--innocent children are tortured, dads kill moms, neighbors rob their neighbors. Where is God?

Everyone who believes in any God must come to terms with this question. Jennifer, who is now a believer, only came to terms with it this year. She finally feels that she understands why people suffer here. (She is no pastor, this is just her opinion based on how she understands the bible). Its because God doesn't reign supreme on earth as He does in heaven. There are more wills and forces at work on earth than just God's.

Most human suffering is caused either directly or indirectly by us! If God controlled everything here, we wouldn't have free will. If God didn't allow any suffering, it wouldn't be earth anymore--it would be heaven. Here we make our own choices. This is the beauty and danger of earth! We all have to live with the collective results of our choices.

But God is here if you choose to access Him. God makes all things good. Its your choice. Your gym won't get you in shape if you don't use it and God can't transform your life (or your suffering) if you don't have a relationship with Him.

Jennifer believes that God will transform her bad experiences into goodness for everyone. Forest fires burn everything within reach, but they also fertilize the soil and bring forth a new and better forest. In the same way, not all bad experiences have bad results.

Anyway, I just want to finish with pointing out Jennifer's inconsistencies. She writes that she doesn't believe in God--then she goes on to talk about heaven and hell (evolutionists/atheists don't believe in heaven or hell).

She writes that she doesn't believe heaven and hell are places--and then she tries to pinpoint exactly where heaven is. So is it a place or isn't it, Jen?

She believes in evolution but also believes in an afterlife and/or reincarnation....

Jennifer is confused. Her relationship with God will remain turbulent for many years. She will deny him and pray to him in the same breath. She will scream at him and beg him to help her in the same day. She will hide from him and yet seek him for many years to come. 

It all begins today, September 30, 1984, the day she formally submits her written resignation to God.

Wherever it is, Jennifer believes life will be fair in Heaven!

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