Well, a lot has happened since I last wrote. I'm going to Tahoe to ski this winter. Dad, Daniel, my cousins John, Tom and Charles, Luke, Allen and I are going. Yea! I like Luke and Allen. Right now I like so many guys. I'll list them: Lee, Ralph, Mark W., Mark H., Tony, Kris, Mike, Brian and Luke. I can't understand why suddenly I like so many guys. I like all of them a lot. I know a lot of guys that like me too. Yea.
Also lately, I've been meeting a lot of Individualists (punk rockers). I'll call them Punks because its shorter. I know almost every punk rocker in our school. I like almost all the guy punk rockers. They are so neat because they are themselves. I think like a punk rocker. Views like these: hate phony people (posers), don't like being stereotyped or titled, don't like being conformed by society into something you're not. For a long time, I hated being conformed. Punkers rebel against things like that. I used to buy something because I knew my friends would like it, but now, and earlier, I realized that was stupid.
You know how much I hate being controlled. When I dress for school I wear "acceptable" clothes but only if I'm comfortable. I feel free now, I'm not scared anymore to like what I like and be myself. I speak up now and if I don't like a "popular" group, I say so. I call "popular" groups commercialists because their image is phony. They only like a group like Duran Duran as long as its popular. As soon as it goes "out" they forget it like Men at Work.
I think that you should like a group if you really like it and its okay to stop liking it but only if you change and it doesn't appeal to you anymore--not if it goes "out", ya know? Here are the groups I like: Pink Floyd, Boston, Yes, the Beatles, Genesis, Billy Idol and some others. When I hear these groups I'm filled with joy and content and I love them.
Daniel's going to let me listen to his albums and he'll let me record the ones I like. Daniel is like me (or I'm like him) and he doesn't like commercial music either. I hate trends. They come in and out like the tide.
I believe in fate and destiny. I believe that there is a "force" or fate or destiny or something. Whatever it is (if anything), I call it Ophelia and other people call it God or whatever their religion calls it. I believe in reincarnation too.
Anyway, I'm starting to find myself. And to be myself. I'm not turning punk though. I'm just going to be myself but not drastically.
Well, Joel worships Duran Duran and he wants to be a pilot when he grows up. Joel loves Alicia, my friend across the street. Joel loves to fight with Dusty and ride in the back of the bus and be cool and to fight, ya know. Basic, common twelve-year old. Joel wants to be an individualist but doesn't quite know what it means. He really wants to be punk.
Jeff bothers me so much. Whenever I defend myself he gets mad. I have to defend myself. When I'm right I'm not going to just say okay. I'm going to defend myself. Anymore, more later.
Guess what? I'm not pregnant. Yea!!! But I have stool (poop) on my insides which makes my stomach look bigger. The stool will go away in a few weeks. Cocoa got sick too. She can't pee or poop very well so she is taking medicine. I hope she gets better soon.
I got my dividend check about a week ago for $331.29. Yea! Well I gotta go. Love, Jennifer. P.S. write back (just kidding).
Well, this is some good news. Jennifer's baby bump turned out to be a bulging compacted intestine! (probably due to dehydration from having mononucleosis for so long).
This line also made me laugh, "I'm just going to be myself but not drastically." Jennifer can't even be herself without putting rules and boundaries on it. She misses the entire point that being herself should be effortless. She is still trying too hard.
It is nice to read about her being happy though. She has lightened up on herself in regards to trying to fit in all the time. Now she's thinking its cooler to fit out. Jennifer didn't have the girlyness of most of her friends. She didn't like make-up (or know how to apply it), she wasn't good at styling her hair, she wasn't comfortable showing off her tiny figure and she didn't have the money for a fashionable wardrobe. She longed to be popular but it was just too much work for her.
So Jennifer was thrilled to find a group of people who thought it was cool to be uncool. They were kind to her. They accepted her, plain as she was. But Jennifer couldn't pull off the punk look either. She didn't even try. She actually didn't like that kind of attention and a bright, green Mohawk would have drawn attention. She also couldn't get over all the black eyeliner (even the boys wore it). Jennifer remained on honorary punk.
Jennifer's observant attitude and plain demeanor had its advantages. She was able to get along with just about any group of people. She flitted from the punks, to the stoners, to the hard rockers, to the popular crowd, to the nerds and to the jocks pretty easily. Always on the fringe but also always welcome. She soaked up the culture of each group.
This did leave her constantly questioning who she really was, but it was also fascinating to her. She was a modern day, cultural anthropologist. Even today, she likes nothing more than to find out what makes people tick.
Jennifer was a little jealous of Joel. He was outgoing, cute and popular. Friends and girlfriends came easy to him. He seemed to enjoy the popular music and didn't care if he was conforming or not (being a kid came naturally to him).
Of course he believed he was his own person (because he was his own person) but Jennifer just saw him fitting into one group. She didn't believe he was really thinking for himself. Jennifer, always a rebel, was jealous that he fit in so effortlessly. It was his social easiness that she envied.
The dividend check Jennifer got was from the state of Alaska. A certain share of oil revenues is paid to all Alaskan residents, including children. In 2009, each Alaskan resident received a check for $1305. For a family of four, that's $5220. Its like profit-sharing, I guess, because the amount received each year depends on oil production.
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