Monday, November 22, 2010

Power Trip

27 September, 1985  "I like power. I read somewhere that wanting power is a reflection of your own insecurities, so I guess I'm insecure. I don't want power like Hitler had or the power of the president. I'd like to have ESP and telepathy etc. I'd like to feel the power inside of me. I'd like to control the wind and fire and people's minds. In a way, I'd like the power that pain has. Some kid got his nose shattered and he just laid on the ground quivering uncontrollably with pain. When I heard that, I thought, "Wow, what power pain has, to do that." Sometimes when I'm in pain, I almost revel in the power it has. 

I don't want to rule the world or anything but I just find the power of some things incredible. I'd like to have the wind under my control, I'd like to point my finger and have the wind go where I point. I guess I like to control powerful things. That might be one reason why I ride horses, because of the power I have over those large animals. I also love doberman's, probably because I'd be interesting to control them.You see?

I don't really like the fact that I'm like this. I've been trying to avoid the issue with myself but I have to be honest about it sometime. I like to control things more powerful than I. I had a very insecure childhood. I didn't stop using my security blanket till I was thirteen and I wet the bed until I was seven."

It doesn't take Freud to see what's going on here! Jennifer feels powerless and she wants control. She describes her childhood as one in which the rug was constantly pulled from under her feet. Without warning, she would move to another state. Without warning, pets were sold or given away. Sometimes she only had a few weeks notice that she was about to lose everything--AGAIN.

In every new home, she tried to settle down. She joined sports teams, made friends, unpacked into a new bedroom and bought new pets. She always thought she was moving to her forever home. She never saw the next move coming.

But it came anyway.

On top of this, her body changed without her permission. Her hormones raged. She had adult feelings but she was immature. She didn't believe in any higher power. All of it led to her sense of powerlessness. I think this is common in teens in general.

I don't think it's an accident that this boy is the most popular teenager on Earth.

Harry Potter
Does he need an introduction??

The skill of the author propelled his skyrocket to fame, but his story fueled the journey. The opening image of a humble, orphaned boy living in a cupboard under the stairs is compelling enough. I remember how drawn I was to this helpless creature from the opening pages. I related to him. Out of place, unwanted, unheard, powerless--a lot of us can relate, a lot of teens can relate.

Harry is us, only better! He soon learns that he has magical powers. He's special. He goes to a magical high school to learn how to control his powers. Of course the real lessons he learns aren't about potions and spells--they are about family, friendship and the power of love.

This story is ancient and new. Book after book, movie after movie, portray "average", powerless people coming into superpowers (Spiderman), or discovering they are royalty (the Princess Diaries), or that they are demi-gods (The Lightening Thief) or they get turned into immortals (Twilight). The more average or insecure the character, the more exciting the makeover!

Alas, most of us don't get bitten by radioactive spiders, or handsome vampires! Their stories captivate--but we leave the theater as non-magical as we were when we entered it. The desire lived in Jennifer to control her world, to be God. Considering her immaturity, (and curiosity about pain) it's probably good she did not discover magical powers in herself! In fact, I barely trust teens to drive, let alone to control superpowers!

Anyway, Jennifer remained wholly human. She daydreamed about controlling people's minds but struggled to control her own. Oddly enough, she was eventually rescued by a supernatural being. Truth is stranger than fiction! The only thing that alleviated her insecurity and made sense out of her world, was God. 

At age 17, Jennifer came to believe. She turned her life over to the care of her higher power, whom she calls God. She discovered her own royal lineage as His child. Since then, she has felt the power of the Holy Spirit. She has witnessed miracles. She has been guarded by angels.

She still looks like the same boring gal--but she doesn't feel powerless anymore. She still struggles with her human "issues" but she has eternal hope (and help). She knows that her body will fail, but her spirit is immortal. She doesn't control the wind, but her Father does. She has become a demi-god, an immortal, a royal princess!

(Trust me, I know how this sounds to non-believers--having been one myself! Jennifer has lived her life with God and without--the difference is quantifiable to her. Faith will never be reached through the intellect. It's a "leap". Some things have to be believed to be seen...)

I have said before that I believe everyone is a seeker. A seeker is someone who seeks higher truth, spiritual meaning, a higher order. I've said before, most of us believe SOMETHING about the world and the meaning of life. Jennifer was a seeker. She found God. The difference between her and Harry Potter is that EVERYONE can access God but not EVERYONE will get a letter from an owl...

Harry was a seeker too :')

1 comment:

  1. I usually send a direct e-mail to Jennifer about her awesome writing. She has wonderful and inspiring insights and is so humble and dignified at the same time. This power thing is spot on. When I found God in my life (age 11) I began to feel very powerful. God was a shield against mean people, failure, uncertainty. The more faith I had, the better I could fly free in life. Because of Jesus Christ, I can be healed from anything that happens, I can cope cheerful in disaster, I can trust that all things will work for my good. Jennifer, thank you for speaking out...true transparancy...a lot of local politicians could learn a thing or two from you.


Thank you for reading The Jennifer Diaries!